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wRules About Women |
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Rules about women that I've picked up, come across, learned, developed through the years
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wSaturday, March 29, 2003 |
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A little pregnancy humor for those who are/were pregnant:
Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home
-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/29/2003 03:41:00 AM
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wThursday, March 27, 2003 |
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rule #1 - NEVER argue with a pregnant woman (especially if she's in labor). You'll lose.....for sure...
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/27/2003 03:26:00 AM
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[quote]:
when you're laying out your bedroom again to accommodate for a baby...make sure that there's nothing between the crib and the change table.....you'll learn that fast
source: chat session, anonymous
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/27/2003 01:12:00 AM
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wWednesday, March 26, 2003 |
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[quote]:
"oh, btw.... transition is like... k, like a week or two before birth, the baby shifts and goes like head down and all of that, and moves lower... during transition, is basically he moves even lower, signaling he's ready to come out soon... the most comfortable place is on the toilet and the mom feels nauseous, like she's gonna throw up"
Source: from MSN chat, who requested to be anonymous
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/26/2003 11:42:00 PM
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wThursday, March 20, 2003 |
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here's a curious question for all you people out there:
What would be so wrong in singing a girl to sleep, if a) she's tired, and b) she definitely wasn't complaining about how crappy you might have sound? (I figure if you can fall asleep with it...it probably can't be THAT bad.)
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/20/2003 12:01:00 PM
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in a chat session with one of my friends (surprising a guy this time), I have realized that all women ever really want is to be understood and to have the freedom of choice.
This new "ruling" superceeds that of the previous answer to the question of "What Women Want" which was first learnt through studying The Wyf of Bath tale from The Canterbury Tales by Geoffery Chauncer.
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/20/2003 11:56:00 AM
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wTuesday, March 04, 2003 |
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Mod:
[quote]
"If a woman mentions something, typically it means that she wants you to do something about it. Whether it is changing it, initiating it, or wanting something to be done, whichever the case maybe, best advice: follow through with it. Otherwise, she wouldn't have mentioned it in the first place. "
That's still wrong, by the way, and that's why women get pissed at men. Women want to vent, they don't want the other person to try to solve their problems for them.
- Brianne
[/quote]
P.S. The section in blue is effectively known as Clause Section 1 b), with the original being Clause Section 1 a).
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/04/2003 10:52:00 PM
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when a woman tells you that "you'd make a great husband (someday)" what they're REALLY trying to tell you is that "You'd make a great husband (someday) for someone else but me."
posted by
alpha754293 at 3/04/2003 09:36:00 PM
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wWednesday, January 08, 2003 |
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If you girlfriend tells you that they're making a switch to Puritan Christianity, it is their way of saying: "Slow down!!! We're going too fast."
posted by
alpha754293 at 1/08/2003 10:00:00 PM
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wFriday, September 27, 2002 |
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Women would make great managers and supervisors because a manager's role is to manipulate people into doing things for them. (partially sourced from my Principles of Management class)
posted by
alpha754293 at 9/27/2002 01:54:00 AM
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